January 6, 2011

Ship, or don't die!

Perhaps a corollary is, "Release early, or release toxin."

I admit I'm a bit of a Seth Godin fanboy — he's driven, omits needless words, and gets things done. His blog rarely has an unread count in my feed reader. At the same time, when you look up to someone, you can't help but expose some vulnerability.

One of his latest kick-ass entries, What did you ship in 2010?, put me in a total funk. I shipped a modest set of things this year, by which I mean that I found my list unimpressive. Maybe it was too short, maybe it wasn't innovative/creative enough, or maybe I was just being a negative Nancy.

In any case, Nancy found... er, I found the list-writing experience incredibly disappointing. [*] However, after some thought, I realized what I would probably say to Seth if we had a chat about it over coffee at Red Rock: I don't think I should really care.

Why? Because I'm probably not going to die tomorrow.

Kindergartener existentialism

A fun-size bit of existentialism is that human essence isn't fully realized until you die. When you die, your whole lifeline has played out and your effect on the world is fundamentally complete. To use a catchy existentialist marketing slogan, human existence precedes essence.

In a related vein, kindergarteners don't try to get their macaroni pictures displayed in art museums. When you're new to a scene and acquiring pre-requisite experience, there's no need to subject the rest of the world to your crap: in the common case, there's plenty more time to cultivate your essence and make your mark on the world. In fact, experimenting, throwing your crap away and moving on may be a much better use of your time than trying to ship something naïve or artless. [†]

My parents wouldn't want to put my broken patches up on their refrigerators. Even if they did, they don't have those kinds of refrigerators that magnets can stick to.

Shipping in potentia

Like most people who suffer from over-achievement syndrome, I have fever dreams of instantaneously becoming an expert in every piece of tech I touch, innovation dripping from my fingertips as I puke rainbows and such. Discovering that talent and perseverance have limits is always a cruel come-down.

Perhaps because of these delusions, I initially found it hard to grasp my most important accomplishment of this past year: getting to know various aspects of a state-of-the-art, production, multi-platform language design/implementation and the surrounding processes and tech. That's not shipping! It is, however, necessary experience to ship higher-impact (and perhaps daydream-worthy) tech down the road.

Realistically, there are a number of other reasons to feel accomplished. When I left my last gig slightly under a year ago, not a single product I had written code for had shipped. (Although I'm totally rooting for one that was recently announced!) Now, every patch I write is put to the test in a development channel with millions of active daily users. I'm constantly and (relatively) shamelessly absorbing information from a team of brilliant and down-to-earth developers, my mentor Luke Wagner in particular. My scrappy throw-away side-projects keep me thinking creatively and questioning the status quo.

In all, this year was incredibly enriching.

The JS engine is more comfortable ground with each passing day. I've got the drive to give back important and innovative things. My existence precedes my essence.

I'm optimistic about the list for 2011.

Footnotes

[*]

Whatever the size of my contribution, I'm honored to say that my list for 2010 included, "Help to ship a working and efficient JägerMonkey implementation." Effin' a.

[†]

Of course, one has to be somewhat cautiously introspective — Seth also warns that continued concerns over naïvete/perfection are a natural result of a fearful mentality that he refers to as the "lizard brain".